Monday, March 9, 2009


Last night I was curled up watching TV when the movie The Interpreter came on. Nicole Kidman I can live without, but I love Sean Penn, so I was happy. I microwaved TWO bags of those mini FAT FREE Reddebakker's, melted TWO (maybe 3, but who's counting) heaping tablespoons of butter and settled in. Life was good. Until I started to nod off. It was 10:15 and waaaay past my bedtime.

The movie was good, so I thought, "I'll record it!" How hard could that be? I see Jack doing it all the time and he can't even remember to wear socks. I also see him FREEZE live TV, and that really freaks me out.

Anyway, I started to search though the cracks of the couch to find the remote. I found lots of change, Murphy's sock, a bowl or two of mushed up chips, pens, colouring pencils, half a grilled cheese, the phone, the dog's leash and several remotes. So which remote is the one you use to record something? The buttons were all blurry so I had to go find my glasses. The new dog I occasionally call "Free to a Good Home" has eaten a pair of Ray Bans and 3 pairs of prescription glasses (kudos to Insight Optometry Group as they felt my pain and comped me the last pair) so at least I didn't have to give Fitzy a prostate exam to find my eyeglasses. This time.

Anyway, I found my glasses, but I may as well have been blind, or blind drunk because launching a NASA rocket would be easier than trying to record a movie. It took me 17 years to figure out my old VCR that still blinks, 12, 12, 12. On that machine, I slid the VCR thingie, into the thingie and pushed RECORD. Easy. Now I have 42" of flat screen that went to grey alien fuzzy after one button push. Link? Guide? Play? It took less than 30 seconds for me to not only lose the movie, but I lost any attempt at getting off of Future Shop island. I was marooned, covered with butter, and very, very annoyed.

So if anyone out there wants to give this grayish blonde a lesson in TV land, it would be appreciated. And if anyone knows if Nicole was a good guy or a bad guy, and if Sean sleeps with her, please let me know.