My time tolerance for shopping is approximately 18 minutes, but I was having a 70's flashback and tinsel is rumoured to be quite lethal to cats. I have plans to festoon my shrubbery until it looks like Liberace's living room, with hopes it will put an end to Mr. fucking Furball using my garden as a litter box – or as my dogs call it – the all-you-can-eat-cat-shit-buffet.
There was no way I was going near the mall, so the tinsel would have to wait (Canadian Tire 1.99 a box) but there's a cluster of great independent shops within a few blocks of the rink, so off I went. Almost merrily.
Let me just say something. Walmart is currently open 24 hours a day. It's founder, Sam Walton died a very, very wealthy man. It's a recession. Store owners are constantly whining. So why in the name of Christ were all the small, independent shops closed at 6:45 pm, ten days before Christmas?
The Hydrostone mini mall was in darkness, with the exception of the Chrysalis Spa and Skin Care Centre. I was going to head in – just because – but I couldn't think of who would appreciate me getting my blackheads squeezed as a gift. I drove around the block and down another street where I knew a few designer-type places had settled, thinking surely to God people with that much good taste would have the sense to be open.
Darkness. Not even festive window displays. Even Jack's beloved fly fishing store was shut up tighter than a duck's ass.
Oh, Havenot, you charming, colonial asshole of the Earth.
So I retreated back to the rink parking lot where I sat listening to the financially-strapped, federally-funded, commercial-free CBC, watching the windshield wipers go back and forth, back and forth, merrily thinking of all the money I saved, and all the cats I could kill for $1.99.
The Chrysalis Spa and Skin Care Centre is located in the Hydrostone, 5521 Young Street. 902.446.3929. www.chrysalisspa.com. Go get your blackheads squeezed or order up some gift certificates, just because!