Will the little bastard notice if I slip out and play tennis during his grad ceremony?
How can I check his breath for alcohol tonight if it's bouncing off mine?
Will anyone notice that I rented his suit for $39 bucks because they don't make a 37 extra-long?
Will my soon-to-be arriving house guests "from away" notice there's no food, and so much dog hair it looks like a fucking sheep shearing station?
Can I tell them I chose green grout for my bathroom tile?
If I tell them I'm auditioning for that show "Hoarders", is that technically a lie?
How will I explain Cousin Sarah sorting through her collectibles (garbage) in my back yard while eating a donair to combat her hangover?
What if they accidentally stick their face in a towel that got mixed up with the hockey laundry?