Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I was kind of hoping for the pre-Christmas colon cleansing strain of H1N1.

Being sick when you're a self-employed, single mother sucks. There's no lying in bed with a stack of new magazines and the flicker, flipping from Ellen to The View to W, barking orders for fresh flowers and hot Neo Citran with a splash of rye.

There's no one to bark at, and even when the little bastard gets home, I could be lying in a pool of blood and stool samples on the kitchen floor and he'd ask me to fetch him some chocolate milk and Fudgee-O's.

Life goes on pretty much as it always does, only I pee my pants when I cough, so I'm sucking back cough suppressant like Tonto on a Friday night, which is making for some award-winning creative heading out to clients.

And this was going to be the start of my Christmas crafts season, beginning with DIY instructions on how to fashion festive wreaths out of cigarette butts, spray paint, wire coat hangers and maxi pads with wings – but that will have to wait.

I did manage to get my annual narcissus (Paper Whites) bulbs planted before the piggy plague descended. Halifax Seed sell the big fat bulbs that even I can't screw up. If you plant them, like, now, they should be perfect by Christmas Eve. I love the idea of forcing things at Christmas – like compassion, love, and spring flowers.

Here's hoping the gut-wrenching diarrhea and vomiting commences soon, because I have the swine part of this swine flu down pat, and as a result, the only thing beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here is me, and I'm Mrs. Claus.

Ho. Ho. Fucking Ho.


Halifax Seed is at 5860 Kane Street in Halifax. www.halifaxseed.ca