Thursday, June 11, 2009

Giddy up.

One nice thing about middle age is, by now, most men I know have finally succumbed to bending over so a doctor with fat, hairy fingers could probe their asses like a homeless guy trying to get a quarter out of a pay phone.

About time.

Can you imagine the whining if men had to endure a prostate exam and a mammogram? (Fellas, if you want to know what that feels like, go outside right now and slam your dick in the car door. Twice.)

By 40, most women have had more metal objects and foreign fingers up their orifices than Heidi Fleiss. And Heidi probably got the occasional Cartier tennis bracelet. Or dinner.

Add florescent lighting to the humiliation of having your spider-veined legs in oven mitt-clad stirrups, and you can pretty much see why women eventually want a magnum of wine, candlelight, jewelry, dishes done, a nanny, a new husband, a trip south, granite countertops, Grand Marnier, new stainless steel appliances, or a Colin Firth movie before caving in to any form of post-Hockey Night in Canada intimacy.

Then there's the speculum. You know. The shiny, metal car jack doctors keep in the mini bar right up until they shove it where the sun ever shines. Is it any wonder we get jumpy when we see white paper placemats, or hear the words, "scooch down a bit".

But, enough. I am here to tell you that there is relief. In Bedford. And it's not the Chickenburger. It's, Best of Being, Wellness Studio + Spa.

My friend Michelle enlightened me about Dr. Alison McCallum's softly-lit oasis for the over-probed and under appreciated multi-taskers of the world. I love the wise Doc just for thinking of a warm, inviting, Oil, Lube and Filter pit-stop for women. Imagine being able to get a bikini wax and a blood pressure test at the same time.

Or... wait for it... a Pap & Pedi!

Yes ladies, those of us who have had to breast feed while driving and phoning your boss to explain why you will be late, all the while applying lipstick, now have another way to kill two birds with one stone. A gal can now lie back in a soothing spa environment while MSI covers the Pap smear part. Then a licensed esthetician whips out the "See ya later, Sailor" red polish and pampers your tired old dogs until your toes are tantalizingly perfect. All in the same appointment.

The list of services at Best of Being reads like a healthy Baskin & Robbins menu. Things you need. Things you want. Things that will leave you begging for more.

Now, if they added pizza to the Pap & Pedi, life would be swell. Or a drive thru! You could just pull up, roll down the window and stick your legs in the air.

Did you want fries with that?

Best of Being Wellness Studio & Spa is at 30 Damascus Road in Bedford, Unit 113
Phone 835-BEST (2378) or check it out online at: