Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Exercise caution while driving, parenting, or operating heavy machinery.

One would think with all the U Weight broccoli and vitamins flowing through my veins, that a cold and flu bug would find somewhere else to land. Like Buffalo. Or Amy Winehouse.

I'd phone in sick but my boss is a temperamental bitch with a Nazi work ethic, so staying in bed surrounded by fresh flowers, a stack of magazines, and Scotch-laced Neo Citran is not an option.

Besides, with sobbing ice dancers and curlers pre-empting captivating-to-the-feverish daytime television – even Sue Thoman FBEye, the Can-con, federally-funded, feel good to the point of nausea show that was cancelled six seasons ago, except the lead actress didn't hear she was no longer supposed to show up for work– will take a backseat to lesbian bobsleigh. Just because Marlee Matlin can act doesn't mean any ol' blind guy can run for Governor. How's that for a Nyquil-induced, run-on couple of politically-incorrect sentences.

The old me would have zipped down to Pete's Frootique by now, for a jug of freshly squeezed orange juice and some wasabi with a side of sushi – but I'm watching my salt/sugar intake. Instead, I'll catch the travel bug, and dream of brand master Pete's escorted tour of Siracusa, Sicily. The Flavours of Sicily with Nottingham's melon squeezer Pete Luckett, will be 8 boozy nights holed up in the medieval hamlet of Ortigia, Italy. Follow Pete as he fondles every tomato from Zaffarina to Catania – tippling all the way. This tour is limited to 14 lucky foodies and leaves November 10th – a great time to say "toodle loo" to a gray, and student-loan-fueled, vomit-encrusted Havenot. Check out Maritime Travel's Escorted tours for the scrumptious details.

I have to go. The little bastard is late for school, glazed over on the couch watching TSN, claiming he can't figure out what pants to wear. I just croaked out, "You only have one fucking pair, how tricky can it be!?"

There will be a self-pity party at my house in approximately one hour. BYOB.


Book Italy and have something to look forward to: www.maritimetravel.com or click on Pete to the right.