Thursday, April 2, 2009

Look for someone wearing an "I'm with stupid" t-shirt.

It's not like me to be coughing up fur balls so early in the morning, but does anyone know what Stephen Harper's wife looks like? Meow. Does anyone care?  

It occured to me, as I was watching Michelle Obama doing us all proud over at the G20 tea party, that I don't even know what our "First Lady" looks like. I honestly, had to Google "Stephen Harper's wife" to find out the woman's name. Does that say more about me, or the lacklustre state of Canadian politics in general?  

On the other hand, I get all veklempt when I see Michelle Obama. I pray for her safety and happiness. She has a Harvard Law degree; hips; a sensible, yet bold, fashion sense; she puts her children first; she speaks her mind; and she stands by her hunky, sex-on-a-bun man. Finally, someone for American women – all women – to look up to. (And, she's tall!) The only remotely "bad" thing some moron could dig up about Michelle O was that she wears Spanx. And, like, you don't?    

(Aside.) Don't get me wrong, I liked Laura Bush. She seemed sweet, but she wasn't exactly a pistol, those twins were a couple of piss tanks, and she married George W. Enough said.

And look who France got!      

Apparently, the woman who curls up with our Perma-press pajamas, every-day-is-a-bad-hair-day leader, goes by Laureen Teskey. Or Laureen Teskey Harper. Or Mrs. Laureen Harper mostly these days. (Is that an election I smell?) And, she's on Hubby #2. Boy, Hubby #1 must have been a real humdinger if this is an upgrade. From what I could gather, Laureen and Steve share a love of cats, and well, that's about all I could gather, as I kept nodding off.

Cats! Don't get me started on cats.

I don't claim to care about politics and I wave whatever flag seems right at the time. But I am telling you right now, if there's another blood-sucking election, I'd vote for Ignatieff's wife. At least I could pick her out of a lineup if I had to. Geesh, her name is Zsuzanna Zsohar. She just has to be more exciting than What's Her Face, the one dumping the kitty litter at 24 Sussex Drive. Right? 

I say, Canadians – Canadian women – are due for a little personality. We haven't had a live wire in Ottawa since Margaret Trudeau. Well, maybe not that much personality, but you know what I mean. We need a cool couple. Too bad that Michaëlle Jean is already hooked up, because if we found her a handsome, leader-type fella, they'd fit the bill perfectly. We need the kind of couple where you like both the man and the woman, and would gladly have them over for a bowl of Cheesies, because they are fun. They light up the room. Like the Obamas. Or the Griffins from Family Guy.    

It's kind of like this: Imagine you are stuck on an all-inclusive, desert island. (I almost typed dessert island.) Would you rather be stuck with Michelle Obama, What's Her Face Harper, Vin Diesel, or Zsuzsanna Zsohar? 

Trick question.